he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize