My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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