Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
