I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
