I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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