you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You ruined the universe
Randomize
