shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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