I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
