just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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