Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
