My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
