when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
