I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
