So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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