I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
