Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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