just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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