Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
