im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
