Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
