I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
