so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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