But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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