Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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