After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
