i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize