at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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