my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize