it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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