Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
