I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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