If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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