She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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