so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
