I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
