ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
