call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
