You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Randomize
