Can i not drive my cunt home
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
