i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
