Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
