so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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