Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
