What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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