I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
In America we eat man semen.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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