Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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