perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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