we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
