glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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