dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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