barbara walters just said penis...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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