someone threw a dead crab at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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