How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
