I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
