You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
