this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
