I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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