apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
