i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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