Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
