I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
