her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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