the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
