Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize