Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
