you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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