Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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