they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
