and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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