i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
