Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
