don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
