Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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