If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
