theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
