I CAN MOONWALK!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
