Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
