I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh god it's open bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
