does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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