You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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