My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
