we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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