I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
