I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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